Oof… It’s been a really long time since I’ve updated this blog (-_-). To be honest, as my domain has come up for renewal the past few years, I have been thinking – is this the year I finally shut it all down? The last 2.5 years have been difficult in different ways and lol would not be what I would consider the best years. Finding the time and energy to commit to a blog that wasn’t working/relevant anymore didn’t seem to be worth the effort, although 2020 might be the year I try to pivot and create a space that makes sense to me and not worry about whether or not it generates likes and views. In this current time and place, I feel like a blog dedicated to reviewing food etc. is not the right thing for me anymore. If that is what you’re looking for, Instagram is probably a better fit! Of course, there are many people who do a much better job than I would, especially those with beautiful photos and reviews in their stories and captions. Truthfully, I have reached the point where I am a not great influencer – I am not interested in it as a side hustle and am tired of the politics and drama around influencer communities, so I say no to opportunities and events, which certainly isn’t the most brand friendly. The pressure to post and constantly chase the new is tiring and it turns out – too much for this procrastinator.
As I think about how I want to transition this space into something that reflects what I want to talk about, I think it’s worthwhile to mention the things I have learned in the past few years and how that might impact what happens here.
2018 was when I started to come to the realization that I needed to re-focus my energies as I was saying yes to everything under the sun (e.g. volunteering, helping launch a start-up, consulting, events etc.) and while riding the FOMO wave can be exhilarating, it is also exhausting. That year was also filled with professional challenges and something had to give, despite my plans to really get back to blogging after finishing my MBA program. This moment of clarity happened as I was visiting one of my best friends in Vancouver where a day of solo exploring led to the realization that being alone with your thoughts is actually not a bad thing and being alone is not the same as being lonely. The silence and time to reflect highlighted how important it is to give yourself time to just breathe and be ok with not doing everything, but rather picking and choosing the things that matter to you.
If 2018 was all about how I relate to myself, then 2019 was all about how I relate to others. This was a tough year as it was one where I had to learn to let go of some major relationships in my life. One in particular was the end of nearly a decade of friendship and love. It is incredibly hard and devastating to realize that you’ve outgrown each other and are on complete different paths – the worst part is not being able to answer the question of ‘how and when did this happen?’. Trying to process this led to further reflections on other relationships in my life and accepting that people change and it is ok to let those relationships ebb and flow. You don’t have to force yourself to do things that you’re not interested in and you can let things change and morph into whatever they need to be at a particular time. Being the one to try and hold onto something so tightly when you need to let go only hurts yourself, so that was a lesson learned (it only took years to figure out). This has made me into a happier person as I can stop sinking my time into emotional labour that isn’t necessary and/or reciprocated. We are all ever-changing and it is perfectly ok that things aren’t the same as they were – sometimes an old relationship slips away, but new relationships will come into being what you need at the right time (maybe it’s new friends or maybe it’s an old friend coming back into your life).
As we move into the latter half of 2020, I think this is where I have been able to take the personal growth and lessons learned to heart. The COVID-19 pandemic is nothing but constant change and after all that upheaval in 2018-2019, I am better equipped to address and adapt to everything that has been coming for me in 2020. I have been incredibly excited about meeting these challenges, especially on the professional front. Where I did struggle more was in the personal arena, since this was the year I had to face an early stage cancer diagnosis (I am more or less fine now) and it has really pushed me out of my comfort zone and to be ok with asking for help and support from my friends. There was a moment, when I was like these are my best friends, and I know they will uber supportive, but why is this so hard to share (lots to unpack here re: cultural upbringing and just general personality quirks). I like being in control over as much as possible and the idea of not being in control of this entire situation was not easy to manage and putting this out there was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I am beyond grateful that my pals were there whenever I needed them.
So what does this mean for this blog? Lol, well… I think this is where we transition from the superficial/light content and move into talking about things I am passionate about. This will still probably involve food and beauty but also sustainability, community, maybe some cultural (hot?) takes, and some personal reflection. My instagram will most likely still be food focused, because I feel like the medium works for that, but here is where you get all the thoughts and feels (how dangerous) and a lens shifted away from the review style blog, which let’s be honest, I wasn’t that good at anyways. Maybe this is no longer a personal blog of random awesomeness, but rather a random blog of personal-ness (that’s not a word but it works for me).
If you’ve stuck with me through the previous iteration of the blog and this very very long ramble, please know that I appreciate it! And if the future state of this space (whatever it may be) isn’t for you – it’s ok too! Thanks for coming along on this journey until now. ❤